I chose to live in the most derelict section of this city just over two years ago. It has not been uncommon to see hookers selling themselves, drunks stumbling, or drug deals go down just below my apartment. I have seen grown men fight only to later cry. I have seen a samurai sword unsuccessfully brandished in broad daylight in an attempt to thwart a five man attack. I have joined the ranks of the drunken and wandered the streets aimlessly at night. These people, these wonderful people are my neighbors. I have, against all odds, become one of them and I will be sad to move on.
I am a part of this city, I can feel it inhale as the traffic slowly begins to pick up at six thirty am and exhale the mass exodus begins at five pm.
The town that I am moving to exists only because the university exists. There are no forgotten quarters of the city. The city has been meticulously planned so that urban decay simply does not exist in that way the it does elsewhere. The ghetto is simply a cluster of houses where the more economical students live off of the rent checks that their dutiful parents send at the end of every month.
I will miss the grit of the city.
I have now officially registered for classes; this has made the prospect of moving much more visceral.
A part of me feels like I am in two places at once - yet I’ve never been to one of the places. A part of me is excited about the prospect of moving to a new city in a state that I’ve never so much as even visited, but there is a part of me that rues the day when this will become a reality. As much as Grand Rapids can infuriate me, this is the city where I was born and raised and I will miss it.
I’ve started to take every opportunity to spend time with my close friends before I leave. The frightening fact of the matter - we may never live in the same city again. I will miss my friends more than I can tell them because to put into spoken word what I am feeling is to acknowledge those very same feelings. Somethings are best left unsaid.
On the other hand, I cannot wait to move and experience a new city. I cannot wait to face the challenges that graduate school will bring me. Most of all, I cannot wait to teach again.
This strange amalgamation of feelings leads me to think that life admits only to shades of gray.
